December 9, 2007

Well, thursday we had our nurses home visit. William lost even more weight. Weighed (Thursday) at 5 lbs 15 oz (almost a full pound lost ). Anyways, so doc wanted me to feed every 2 hours (breast) and then every other feeding, to add 1.5 oz of formula (via sirenge). I really hate adding the formula. Anyways, we worked through the night trying to get him to feed as much as possible and take all that he could. Its still soo awkward trying to feed him, and change him with the stupid "billy blanket". Anyways, so Friday we had to take him back to the hospital again to get yet another jaundice stick. It breaks my heart at how much he has been poked and such and to hafta watch him go through all of that. So then after that, we had to go to the doctor's office to get William weighed again. Good news is he weighed in at 6 lbs and 2 oz. So he gained some. Bad news is, his jaundice test Friday came back at 20.9!!!! So doc wanted to add a second "Billy Blanket" to the mix as well as today we had to go back and have him stuck yet again for another jaundice test. We also have a doctor's appointment on Monday at 10am. Also, if it gets to 24, he will hafta be re-hospitalized until we can get his "Billy-Reuben" down.

It just breaks my heart to see him going through soo much, and to also have soo much trouble with breast-feeding. I have tried various positions (cradle, football, etc), tried to express milk onto his lips, talked to LCs and had them try and suggest various possible solutions, pump to pull out my nipples, use nipple shield, etc. He just flails his hands and wont take the breast by itself. Friday night various times it took over 30 minutes to get him to take my breast with the nipple shield due to the introduction of formula. Yesterday, I made the decision to stop adding the formula, and went to pumping breastmilk and then giving it to him via sirenge. The main goal is that he is getting the antibodies, and we can always work on the breastfeeding issues once we get his jaundice under control.

I am sure I have a good case of the baby blues. I miss my tummy. I miss his movements. I miss rubbing it and thinking and longing for him. I miss our special time we had together (just him and I). Its like one chapter has ended (that I wasn't ready to have end) and another one (with its ups and downs) has just begun (and I'm not sure I am ready for ). My heart breaks over the breastfeeding issues, and the lack of bonding due to the feeding as well as the Billy Blanket situation.I worry constantly about the jaundice and loss of weight. I am sleep deprived. And I am sure all of this is normal.

Yesterday when we went in to get him weighed (at the doctor's office) the nurse asked about his feedings. I was trying to avoid bursting into tears by asking Jason to tell her. The dense man that he can be sometimes, he said "I could tell her". So I tried to just get the first word out and that was all she wrote. From that time forward I was a basket case in the office. and couldn't get the water-works to shut off to save my life. Needless to say, doc wants me to go on zoloft to help with the baby blues. I am just not sure I want to be on those types of drugs, when , logically, I can reason that all these feelings and all are normal, and eventually it will get better.

So anyways we had to call the place where our first "Billy Blanket" came from to get the second "Billy Blanket". We called for it a little after 12:00pm and the place where it is coming from is only 30 minutes away from where we live. By 730pm it STILL was not here, so we called doc. She said to call the place again. So we did and they started to talk about getting it to us tomorrow(today). TOMORROW??? Here we are suppose to get a Billy Reuben stick today after time he is suppose to be on two of these blankets. I proceeded to let them know, and we FINALLY got the 2nd Billy Blanket at 11pm last night!! So needless to say, I called doc this morning and asked if we can avoid the stick today since there will probably be no change in his condition as well as why stick him needlessly and get him out in the cold winterland. Well, she said she still wanted to have the stick to make sure his levels don't go up any higher and so she wanted us to get him in there after 4pm. Then the labs were suppose to call her with the results and she then is suppose to call us. Well, we FINALLY have GOOD NEWS!!! His Billy Reuben is now down to 16.9!!!! YAY!!!! So, she said to keep both Billy Blankets on him tonight, then we get to have a break from them tomorrow (YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ), then we go back to the doctor's office on Monday and talk about where we go from there. But right now it looks like the numbers are finally going down. I just pray they keep on going down. I was soo scared today. Yesterday his levels were 20.9, and if they had went to 24 he would have been readmitted back into the hospital, and since the numbers kept on rising, both Jason and I were really scared he would hafta go back into the hospital. Now we are just soo incredibly happy!!!!